


I've Told You Now

by softjoohoney



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Confession, First Kiss, High School Reunion, M/M, This is fluff, changkyun and minhyuk also make an appearance in this, i don't think there's any more tags???, i love kiho, kiho, they deserve more, this is just some cute shit, very briefly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-03
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2020-01-01 08:51:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,153
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18332714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softjoohoney/pseuds/softjoohoney
Summary: Kihyun has a very specific reason to want to avoid his high school reunion





	I've Told You Now

Kihyun tilts his head a bit to the side as he looks at his reflection, wondering if he should roll up the sleeves of his shirt or not.

High school reunion.

That is what he’s trying to get ready for. When he first received the invitation, Kihyun had snorted and almost thrown it away. It’s been almost ten years since he spoke to these people, maybe five years at most for a few acquaintances. He isn’t the same person anymore. He isn’t the awkward, quiet book nerd he was back then. Over the years he’s become quite a successful architect and has discovered a certain liking in taking care of his appearance somewhere along the way. But maybe that is it, maybe he wants to show everyone that he isn’t that unproportioned boy anymore. Maybe he never actually grew the few inches he’d always wished for and maybe his shoulders aren’t as broad as he’d like but he’s leaner and sharper now and this shirt looks really good and hugs his chest really nicely. 

Kihyun sighs loudly, running his fingers through his dark hair to push it back and decides to roll his sleeves up to his elbows and unbuttoning the top button, judging that it would look more casual with his dress pants.

“You know, you’re putting a lot of time on this for someone who didn’t want to go.” Changkyun, his assistant and friend observes, clearly amused from where he’s sitting on his couch.

“I know.” Kihyun almost groans. “I honestly don’t know how long I’ll stay. It’s probably going to be filled with the old jocks talking about how amazing they used to be for the whole time and people pretending to be happy to see each other after all these years.” He mutters, letting himself fall onto his couch next to his friend.

“Isn’t that the point of high school reunions? Talking about the good old days and showing off to your old classmates?” He laughs. “You should put on that expensive watch so they know the weird pipsqueak is loaded now.” He adds and Kihyun snorts.

“I hate you.” He mutters, standing up to fetch said watch because the kid is kind of right. 

“But really Ki, It’s not an American movie. People actually grow up and mature.” Changkyun laughs and Kihyun sends him a meaningless glare. “What about your friend…that kid you had a crush on that you told me about before.” Changkyun adds with a teasing voice and Kihyun freezes for a second.

“I was drunk when I told you about him and you said you wouldn’t bring him up,” Kihyun complains, knowing he never truly told Changkyun how close he really was to that particular crush but the younger only raises an eyebrow at him and he deflates with a loud sigh, sitting down again to put on his shoes. “Okay fine. He might be a big part as to why I don’t want to go.” He mutters, not looking at the younger but he can still feel his eyes on him.

“Wait…I thought you’d _want_ to see him again.” Changkyun says, confused and Kihyun scoffs looking at him like he suddenly grew another head.

“Are you kidding? When we left school the last day of class I cut all ties with him because I wasn’t ready to admit to myself that I liked guys and I never got in touch with him after. I even ditched my graduation ceremony because of him. He probably hates me and he’s probably married with kids and stuff. I don’t want to look at him – Kyun – he had the prettiest expressive eyes and I know that if I see him there I’m totally going to go back _there_ , you know?” Kihyun rambles, the topic he tried to avoid all day finally not at the back of his mind anymore and he feels more nervous than in a long time but the younger looks nothing but impressed.

“Kihyun, it can’t be _that_ bad.” Changkyun says, unconvinced.

“Changkyun. I taped a piece of paper over his face in our yearbook.” Kihyun admits something he’s never told anymore because that’s quite embarrassing and Changkyun stares at him blankly for a moment before shaking his head with a short disbelief laugh.

“But seriously what are you going to do if you _do_ see him?” The younger man asks and Kihyun lets out a long breath.

“Tell him the truth?” He mumbles more to himself. “I mean…What can happen? He doesn’t talk to me again?” He snorts as if that hasn’t been them for the past decade. “Or you know, I might just hide in the bathroom the second I spot him.” He adds as an afterthought and Changkyun sighs in exasperation.

“You know, when I started working for you, I thought you were so intimidatingly handsome and cool but now I feel like I’m getting a peek at teenager you.” Changkyun says and Kihyun pulls a face.

“Stop peeking, teenage me is ugly and painfully awkward.” He mutters earning himself an eye roll from the younger before he stands up.

“Come on, you have an hour drive to clear your head.” Changkyun chuckles fondly, thrusting Kihyun’s jacket into his hands and pulling him off the couch and toward the door.

 

 

Kihyun takes a deep breath as he parks his car and looks toward the building. He can see a few people hurrying inside to shield from the chilly autumn wind but he can’t quite bring himself to walk inside yet. Checking his phone one last time, Kihyun smiles a little at the latest text Changkyun sent him, encouraging him and telling him to not stress too much. He really likes that kid. 

Taking in another deep breath, Kihyun leaves his car and stands in front of his old high school. From the outside it looks exactly the same – if only a little more worn down – and the man is flooded with memories – most of them he’d rather not remember. It’s not like he has a sob story or that he was bullied through the years. He had a few friends and he did pretty well academically but it’s a part of his life when he was just _there_. 

The brunet pulls the heavy door open and slowly walks through the hallways, immediately hit with the familiarity of it all – even the smell is the same – and he somehow finds himself smiling briefly at some articles and pictures that’s been hung up on the walls for the events.

When he reaches the gym after following the big red arrows and the few people also coming in late in front of him, Kihyun is already in a better mood than when he was sitting alone in his car. A few people turn to him and gave him polite smiles. The kind of smile you give when you feel you should know the person but can’t quite put a name on their face – Kihyun does the same to that particular group of people.

“If that isn’t Yoo Kihyun?” He hears a loud booming voice resound from beside him and Kihyun immediately turns his head, the voice already all too familiar and the bright smile he sees on the man walking toward him only confirms his initial thought. Of course, Lee Minhyuk would recognize him instantly.

Kihyun smiles back when the man reaches him. They had never really been the closest of friends but Kihyun enjoyed talking with him and Minhyuk was class president and it was difficult to ignore his bright and lovable personality.

“I’m going to admit I’m glad you’re the first person I’m talking to.” Kihyun chuckles, the other man always had a way to make people feel at ease but it’s only when Minhyuk starts talking about how much he’s changed that Kihyun realizes that the people around them are all looking curiously in their direction and whispering to each other and Kihyun tries really hard to ignore the way a woman he can’t remember the name of is looking at him up and down – crowds still kind of make him uneasy.

“Come with me, I know someone that was really hoping you’d come.” Minhyuk grins and wraps an arm around his shoulders to guide him, seemingly unaware of Kihyun’s sudden discomfort.

Kihyun’s body almost goes rigid while he’s pretty much dragged by the other man because the only person he can think of that would remember him enough is exactly the person he wants to avoid. Eyes jumping around and subtly trying to discourage Minhyuk, Kihyun breathes a sigh of relief when he realizes the other is taking him toward a woman.

“Kihyun!” She says brightly and Kihyun feels himself smile genuinely as he recognizes her. Kang Jihyun. She had always been someone Kihyun really liked and looked up to and he remembers truly enjoying himself when they would sing together. Jihyun had left to study overseas right after high school and Kihyun was sure she’d be one more person he wouldn’t meet again.

“Hey Jihyun.” He greets happily when she hugs him briefly. “How long have you been back?” He asks genuinely curious.

“About a year. I’m here for good now.” She smiles and Minhyuk nods.

“We’ve actually tried to find you before but it’s been kind of difficult.” Minhyuk says and Kihyun feels only a tiny bit guilty because he had done that on purpose.

“We should totally catch up. How have you been?” Jihyun says before Kihyun can come up with some type of apology, realizing that maybe he’d been the one cutting off everyone and there are some people who would have liked to keep in touch.

“Yeah of course.” He starts and he surprisingly finds himself meaning the words. “I’ve been good, busy but good – ”

“Kihyun?” 

At the sound of his name, Kihyun goes rigid because he could recognize that voice in an instant – it kind of worries him that he remembers the soft tone and general intonation with only one word spoken.

It takes him a moment where Jihyun and Minhyuk both look confused between the other two men before Kihyun turns his head toward him.

“Hoseok.” He breathes out, facing the other man completely and, to his surprise, it doesn’t look like he’s holding any hostile feelings toward him – if the soft smile on his face is any indicator. 

Kihyun thinks this might sound cheesy but he does kind of feel his breath getting stuck in his throat when his eyes quickly scan the other man and he has to admit that he’s a bit shocked by how much his old friend has and hasn’t changed at the same time. His face looks more define, his body obviously bulkier and wider even under his jacket, his hair almost silver blond and such a contrast from the jet black he remembers – he might also have grown an inch or two – but he still smiles the same crooked smile and his eyes still looked just as bright and curious as back then.

“We’ll let you two catch up. Come find us later.” Jihyun smiles knowingly at them, patting Kihyun’s shoulder before linking arms with Minhyuk and pulling the confused man away.

“…How have you been?” Kihyun tries and almost cringes because even to his own ears his voice sounds strained and a little fake.

“Good.” The older of the two chuckled as if sensing his uneasiness and Kihyun feels like the ground opening under his feet wouldn’t be so bad right now. “I’m glad you came…I wasn’t expecting to see you.” Hoseok adds, sounding a bit unsure and Kihyun realizes maybe he thinks his presence isn’t wanted so he offers a small smile.

“Do you uh…Do you want to walk with me?” Kihyun proposes after he glances around and he sees quite a few people still looking their direction – he doesn’t feel like being the center of the gossips 

Hoseok blinks, looking quite surprised for a second before a fond smile appears on his face and he nods – Kihyun kind of tries hard to ignore how the other’s face is still so easy to read.

“Still having a hard time with places filled with people.” Hoseok says casually once they’re out of the gym and into the empty hallway and Kihyun breathes out a little sigh.

“Something like that.” He responds softly, pushing his hands in his pockets to avoid fidgeting with his fingers. “So…What do you do now?” He asks, not wanting to fall into an awkward silence.

“I studied business and a few years back I opened a coffee shop in the city. It’s small but it’s doing pretty great considering the Starbucks at every street corner.” He explains with a shrug but it’s obvious he’s proud of it and Kihyun smiles because at least the man looks happy. “What about you? You seem to be living life just fine.” He asks, quickly shooting a look at his clothes and Kihyun somehow still finds himself blushing under the attention.

“I’m an architect.” He replies simply before his eyes catch sight of a familiar door he hasn’t realized they were walking toward. “Hoseok.” He whispers loudly as if there were people around, pointing toward the door to a music room.

“I’m not sure we’re supposed to go in there.” The blond says, looking around the empty hallway but it’s obvious his interest has been piqued and he wants to check it out too.

“What are they going to do if they catch us? Give us detention?” Kihyun shoots back with a raised brow, hand on the handle and the other looks at him all kind of surprised before his face softens and he shuffles closer.

“You’ve changed, Yoo Kihyun.” He says somberly before chuckling, motioning for him to open the door.

Kihyun rolls his eyes but he can’t fight back a smile because it kind of is true, seventeen years old him would have never dared to risk getting in trouble. As he pushes the door open, the brunet is hit with a wave of nostalgia when he takes in the stuffiness and smell of old paper, all of it somehow feels like home. 

“Remember how I used to force you to come in here during lunch time to keep me company when I worked on music?” Hoseok asks, the same hint of nostalgia on his face Kihyun has been feeling when entering. He knows Hoseok isn’t waiting for an answer but Kihyun wants to laugh because he knows he always used to act like it was a burden. Like being dragged by the elder exasperated him instead of how he actually felt like his heart became too big for his chest. How he always admired the way Hoseok put words together so beautifully and how he could create melodies with the tips of his fingers. Kihyun thinks it’s kind of a pity he never tried to make it with his music. “I wanted to teach you piano but you were so bad that I gave up.” He adds quietly after a moment but it has a sad lilt to it that makes Kihyun breathes a little harder.

“I remember. I used to say it was because my hands were so small…I still suck at it.” Kihyun says softly, feeling his throat close up with emotions he’s not quite ready to face yet. He also can’t bring himself to keep looking at Hoseok when the other moves toward said piano, so he brings his gaze down to the desks and frowns to himself when he realizes the school has changed the desk they engraved their names in all those years back.

“What happened to you Ki?” The question comes suddenly, a little distant from Hoseok having his back turned to him and it definitely could imply a lot of things but the brunet knows exactly what he means. He knows because he’s been dreading and expecting the conversation since the moment he saw the other man in the gym.

Taking in another breath and gathering his courage, Kihyun walks up to the piano, watching the elder’s fingers ghost over the keys without actually pressing any and he quietly sits down beside him on the bench.

“I guess…” He starts with a mutter, considering fluffing up the truth before deciding to just be honest. “I think I was just a selfish seventeen year old boy who didn’t want to face reality.” He gives and he knows the answer is quite vague and when he’s met with silence, Kihyun chances a look at the other man to see him frowning a little, still not looking at him. “Are you mad at me?” He finds himself asking but he doesn’t really know _why_ he actually voiced the question. He’s not sure he wants an answer, not sure he wants to go back there.

“Mad at you? Kihyun I was confused, I was sad and I was _so_ angry with you.” He says truthfully but his voice doesn’t hold any bite to it. “But…It’s been ten years…What kind of person would I be to still hold a grudge?” He replies, finally looking back at him and Kihyun holds his breath for a second. He knows Hoseok has never been one to hold grudges and blame people but he also knows he must have hurt him quite a lot and yet, there’s nothing close to resentment in his eyes. Only a faint hint of confusion. “I guess…I just really want to know why you just disappeared on me.” He says with a shrug to feign nonchalance but Kihyun can see the hopeful glint in his eyes, like maybe he’s finally going to receive the answer for a question he’s had looming in his head for so long.

“You probably don’t want to know.” Kihyun says gently even if he feels his chest getting uncomfortably tight and Hoseok let out a small scoff of disbelief.

“Are you kidding? Kihyun.” He says seriously, turning his body toward him on the bench and Kihyun tries to not shy away from the intensity of his stare. “My best friend decided to stop talking to me and vanished without a word. Do you know how many times I went to your house bothering your parents before I had to leave for college? I didn’t understand what I did wrong…I still don’t, to be honest.” He adds the last part quietly with a meek smile and Kihyun feels his heart squeeze because, of course, Hoseok would blame himself for his cowardice while he recalls telling his parents to not talk about him. Biting on the inside of his cheek, Kihyun feels his resolves crumbling because he’s always been so weak to the elder’s eyes.

“I fell in love with you.” He admits calmly, finding himself not holding back and the words come out stronger than he thought they would and he thinks it might have to do with the fact that he knows he has nothing to lose because, worst case scenario, Hoseok doesn’t want to talk to him anymore.

“What?” Hoseok utters weakly, eyes searching and looking at him as if he’d disappear if he as much as blink.

“I…” Kihyun starts, looking down at his hands for a second before forcing himself to face his old friend. “At first, I had what I thought was a stupid friend crush on you. I pushed it back thinking it was just because you were the only one who truly spent time with me and wanted to actually be my friend but then…In our last year I couldn’t hide my feelings from myself. I thought about you in ways that I knew I shouldn’t…I wasn’t ready to admit to myself that I liked a guy…There was a whole lot of internalized homophobia and stuff that I only learned to deal with in college so I just…ran away.” He admits, feeling more anxious as the seconds pass, thinking maybe he said too much, a tense silence settling between them until the other man burst into laughter.

“Are you serious?” Hoseok asks between chuckles and Kihyun frowns because he doesn’t particularly enjoy being made fun of for finally coming clean and laying his heart out like this.

“It really isn’t that funny.” He retorts, pride on the verge of being wounded, the hurt clearly showing in his voice because while he’s made his peace with knowing there’s always going to be people who won’t agree with his _life choices_ he also doesn’t quite expect the other to be judgmental about this, but Hoseok quickly shakes his head, laughs dying down rapidly before he rubs at the bridge of his nose.

“That’s not it.” He breathes loudly. “ _Damn_ Kihyun. This is ridiculous.” He buries his face in his hands and pushes his hair away from his forehead just as Kihyun is ready to go on and rant about how he couldn’t control who he had feelings for, Hoseok scoots over the tiny gap between them on bench, sliding his arms around his middle, hands clasping on his hip to embrace him and pressing his face against his shoulder.

Kihyun freezes completely for a second the hands feeling all too warm and secure around him and he’s not sure if he’s more shocked or confused but he can’t ignore the way his heart is definitely beating faster and the warm feeling spreading through his body. Swallowing thickly, Kihyun hesitates for a second before he wraps his arms around the other man’s shoulders. The angle is a little awkward because their legs bump together when Kihyun turns more toward him but he kind of want to stay like this for as long as he can.

“You’re such a fucking idiot, I swear.” Hoseok whispers meaningfully and Kihyun holds back a shiver when he felt the other’s lips brush the skin of his neck when he turns his head on his shoulder. “I planned to confess to you at our graduation but you never showed up.” He adds softly and if Kihyun even felt like his entire world could shift with a few words, this would definitely be it.

Kihyun pulls back from the embrace so he could look at the other’s face, resting his hands on Hoseok’s shoulders to examine his face. He has so many thoughts running through his head, so many questions but it all feels so blank and for a moment, the only thing he can do is stare at the other man with a slightly gaping mouth and eyes wider than usual.

“You look stupid like that.” The chuckles softly, lifting one of his hands and pressing his fingertips under his chin and closing his mouth.

Kihyun clears his throat, feeling his cheeks burn but he can’t seem to tear his eyes away from the other man. He doesn’t remember the last time he felt like that. He’s had a few relationships in the past years, some more serious than others but he knows he’s never come close to ever forgetting the other. He feels like his heart is going to jump out his chest. His breath hitches in his throat whenever he tries to say something and his hands feel shaky. He’s pretty sure he hasn’t felt that way since he was in that exact same music room and he suddenly wonders if it has anything to do with it. Kihyun has a hard time grasping the fact that he could’ve _had_ this. He could’ve saved himself the heartbreak and a whole lot of trouble and guilt if he only had gone to his graduation ceremony.

“You know if you keep staring at me like that I’m going to think you want to kiss me – ”

Hoseok hasn’t even finished his sentence that Kihyun breaches the short space between them and presses their mouths together. The gasp of surprise and the fingers suddenly clenching at his shirt make Kihyun freeze because – _oh God_ – That was totally forceful and Hoseok was most likely joking and only said that because of the way Kihyun was looking at him?

“Oh woah…I’m sorry.” Kihyun pulls back ungracefully as he apologizes and almost slips off the bench if not for the one hand still holding at his waist. He knows he sounds a bit breathless as he takes his hands off the older’s shoulders and looks away. “I mean…You probably don’t – anymore…with me I – ”

“Kihyun.” Hoseok interrupts his nonsensical rambling with a slight chuckle before he can shove his foot deeper in his mouth, and Kihyun suddenly takes in the feeling of fingers gently rubbing against his hip and he flushes some more when Hoseok brings his free hand to grab one of his to stop him from fidgeting so much. “I just…I was surprised, I didn’t expect you do actually do it.” He adds and finally brings himself to look at the other when he hears his bashful tone and he might have melted a little when he sees Hoseok quickly licking his lips and a soft pink dusting his cheeks and ears.

“Do you…Do you still have feelings for me?” Kihyun asks unsurely because looking at the other man since earlier he seems to carry such a confident air around him and it kind of feels ridiculous that he would still be hung up on a puppy love as much as him. Kihyun feels like a teenager all over again, trying hard to not get too distracted by Hoseok’s thumb rubbing circles or pressing gently on his palm because suddenly the other looks just as nervous as him.

“I convinced myself years ago that I didn’t anymore because you know…I came to terms with never seeing you again…But seeing you…Shit. It hit me like a damn wall.” Hoseok laughs and Kihyun can only join him, feeling his tenseness completely melt off realizing that at least he’s not alone in this.

Eyes going down to their hands, Kihyun bites his lower lip to lace their fingers together and squeeze a little, trying to convey feelings he’s not sure how to voice before looking back up, only to have his breath stolen away. Kihyun always thought losing yourself in someone’s eyes to be cheesy but if he’s honest with himself, this is exactly how he feels right now. The way Hoseok is looking at him like he holds the entire world in his eyes make emotions crawl up his throat again and Kihyun blinks slowly, bringing up his free hand to rest on the side of Hoseok’s neck, his thumb resting on his jaw as he holds his stare.

“Can I try that again?” Kihyun whispers, feeling Hoseok’s pulse under his palm and how it’s decidedly faster than it should be from them just sitting there and it makes a soft smile bloom on his face. Eyes moving over his features, Kihyun smiles at the sparkle in his eyes and the chubbiness of his cheeks before he falls on the curve of his lips looking all types of smooth and pretty and Kihyun kind of hopes he’s going to agree.

“Yeah you can.” The sudden soft voice brings Kihyun out of his thoughts and he remembers he actually asked him out loud.

Kihyun swallows somehow nervously because it’s only now truly starting to sink in that this is the man he’s been in love with for years. The man he thought he would never have and would have to find the best substitute for to settle down. And now he’s right there in front of him, offering him something he thought he’d never experience. Kihyun’s other hand gently slips from their hold and move up to slip to the back of the elder’s neck to carefully pull him closer and press their lips together, a lot smoother this time.

As nervous and expectant as he is, Kihyun almost waits for the whole firework behind closed eyelids and butterflies in his stomach and his entire universe stopping like a cheesy love movie but instead, he feels completely calm. He feels like this is _finally_ the way it’s supposed to be, like things are just _right_.

Tilting his head slightly to slide their lips together and deepen the kiss because he feels like he’s got years to catch up on, Kihyun never thought it could feel so _normal_ to breathe the same air as someone. Letting out a short gasp when he feels a suck at his lower lip before a tongue curiously pushes in, Kihyun lets his hands slide down from the elder’s neck to rest against his chest and he might be lying if he says he doesn’t try to cope a feel. Kihyun feels warmth spreading through his body rather fast at how Hoseok’s hands move over his hip down to touch his thigh and maybe he really isn’t the only one with years of pinning to get out. And maybe it takes him a minute or two of shameless groping and heated kissing before he remembers where they are and how they should probably slow down and actually talk about whatever _this_ is. 

“O-okay – wait, wait – ” Kihyun manages to breathe out in between kisses, not actually wanting to stop but his rational side kicking in when he feels arousal starting to spread through his body and he definitely _shouldn’t_.

“What?” Hoseok whispers barely a breath away, breath a tiny bit labored and eyes finally fluttering open when Kihyun pecks the tip of his nose. It takes a moment for Hoseok to look around and, just like him, to realize that they’re still at the school and he smiles a bit sheepishly, eyes bright, hair a tad mussed and lips red and – yeah – Kihyun definitely wants more of that. “Oh right.” He sighs, moving back a little but taking back Kihyun’s hand in his.

“Do you want to get out of here and grab something to eat?” Kihyun asks, trying to finally get his breathing and heartbeat under control. “Except if you have people you want to catch up with.” He adds as an afterthought, reminding himself of why they’re at the school but Hoseok shakes his head.

“I’ve already met up with the person I wanted to.” He offers and Kihyun would normally roll his eyes at that but he finds himself flushing instead at how softly he’s being looking at.

When they leave the music room and head back to the gym because Kihyun does really want to catch up with Jihyun and they exchange numbers before she quickly hushes them out – Kihyun suddenly has a feeling she always knew there was something between them with how much time she also spent in the music room.

“Should we go?” Kihyun turns back to Hoseok with a smile who nods as he reaches for his hand. 

“I’m starving.”

**Author's Note:**

> hellos!! this was supposed to be part of a longer fic but i've lost a document with over 10k of it on it and i got too frustrated and decided to post it as a oneshot :)))  
> that being said, i apologize if it feels incomplete there was supposed to be much more!! i might end up adding another chapter sometimes later on if i find motivation to rewrite it;;;;;;;  
> thank you for reading pls take a moment to leave kudos and comments! it's always very much appreciated uwu


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